drim blag for æ lıŋgwıst

aj hæv dısajdəd to traj ænd rajt æn εntajr blag juzıŋ aj.pi.ej. b٨t ıts tejkıŋ wej tu laŋ.
Dang. Why aren't all computers equipped for transcribing in IPA at ease? For anyone who wants to know what that previous sentence said, you'll have to bribe me real good. For anyone who can tell me what it says, I'll award all of my admiration, plus three gold stars. Who didn't like getting gold stars as a kid?

Anyways, I didn't really have anything to blog about tonight, except the fact that I think sometimes that I need serious help. To illustrate what sort of 'help' I need, here are several examples:

1) I am sitting here on a Friday night at midnight amusing myself by attempting to write a blog in the phonetic alphabet.

2) I somehow imagined myself meeting the man of my dreams on the internet, when he came across my phonetic blog, and responded in the comment section by using the IPA. I then imagined how we would incorporate that into our wedding, such as invitations written in IPA, with a phonetic's guide sent to everyone so they could actually read the invitation.

3) I'm not sure if I am actually serious or just trying to be funny on option #2...it would make for an interesting romance story, wouldn't it? People would ask how we met and fell in love, and it would involve blogs, the internet, and linguistics.

I'm seriously a geek. If anyone has any suggestions for me in being less 'keen' please tell me.

Oh, and just a thought I had tonight: Would I also be considered a geek just for the fact that I do record my thoughts in blog form? Once you think about it, isn't it kind of creepy that we 'bloggers' record some of our deepest thoughts on here for random people to read and comment on? Through the few peoples blog sites I am aware of, I instantly have access to an almost innumerable amount of other people by clicking on everyone's links. Is that the whole point of this? I must admit, it is kind of cool, how technology has really advanced globalization. But again...is this creepy? Am I creepy for reading random people's blogs?

I think I really need to resolve this issue...

Love Advocate for a Needy Friend

Today I am going beyond the scope of regular friendship, and becoming a revolutionary love advocate on behalf of my friend, J.M.S. Here is a little bit about her:

• She makes an excellent cup of tea
• She's got gorgeous eyes and a lovely smile
• She's rather witty in her own little way
• Her taste in folk music is...amusing
• She has a great personality and can get along with pretty much anyone she wants to (notice the *wants*, if you're not lucky enough to get on her list of people she'd like to know, don't worry, you'll know if you're on the list or not...*jk*)
• She's very family oriented
• She's traveled extensively around the world and is looking for more adventures, particularly with 'someone special'
• She has the desire to grow closer with God

Applicants should have the following qualifications:

• be over the age of 22 and have some sort of career or be actively pursuing a career, particularly in Church Ministry (but let's not be too picky here)
• be of the male gender
• enjoy a good cup of tea
• have an interest in (or a willingness to learn about) folk music
• Not be intimidated by large families (in number, not descriptive quality) ,or large brothers, to be specific..(in descriptive quality and in number)
• Have the ability to entertain her with interesting witty conversation. Great blogs are an asset.
• Be actively pursuing to become closer with God
• Don't have any bizarre physical abnormalities (or be willing to manage them to a tolerable state) including and not limited to the following: unibrow, webbed fingers and toes, bad breath, excessive tattoos, or hair past the buttocks.

If anything in my friend's description catches your interest, and you meet all of the above listed qualifications, please do not hesitate to forward your resume to jeglubish@shaw.ca. Note that only short-listed candidates will be contacted for an interview.

Competition will remain open until a suitable candidate is found.

underbaked chocolate goo, and missing him too

href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6998/1648/1600/2004_1115misc0012.jpg">So, just incase any of you were wondering how the brownies turned out...they were good...on the outside. Apparently my oven is retarded, and even though I cooked them five minutes longer than the recipe said, they still turned out like batter in the middle. I'm no Iron Chef, I suppose, which by the way, is on TV. What a delightful show.

I'm feeling kind of...well, I'm not sure how to describe the feeling. Sad but hopeful? I came to the realization today that Thanksgiving is next weekend, and that I never booked the time off work. And even if I had tried to book the time off work, I more than likely wouldn't have gotten it because I booked this weekend off. And even if I had gotten next weekend off, I wouldn't be able to afford to take the time off, because I only got two crappy shifts this week because I got the weekend off. *sigh* The restaurant business is a cruel world, it is, for what industry makes their workers miss thanksgiving dinner with their family just to work at a stupid restaurant that sells pizza? no one goes out for pizza on thanksgiving. So anyways, even though I haven't seen the schedule for next week yet, I'm pretty sure I'll be scheduled on the weekend, therefore making me not be able to go home for Thanksgiving, which means I'll be spending it alone. My sister is going home for the weekend, so are my best friend and her husband. Again, I will be alone.

And to add to my feelings of alone, I find myself really missing 'him' today. How do you go from talking to each other at least twice a day for the past two years to never talking again. I think I've handled it pretty well, its been 41 days since we last spoke. It just sucks that our last conversation involved me standing in his kitchen trying to actually sit down and work through some things, and him looking at me with the most pained expression, and then running to his room at the verge of tears, telling me he didn't want to see me. And as he slammed his door he said "call me if you want to". I wish I could... call ,I mean. But every time we had spoken since we broke up he accused me of the most awful things, and would end up just hanging up on me without giving me the chance to defend myself. So I left a note on his kitchen counter, explaining that I would love to keep in contact with him, but it was obviously hurting the both of us. So no more contact. No more phone calls in the middle of the night just to say 'I love you.' No more 'how was your day' and 'I can't wait to see you.' But then again, those days were gone long ago. He pushed me out of his life months ago and somehow is blaming me for leaving and breaking his heart...he had been breaking mine continually with his actions. How does that work, exactly? I never asked for this either. I didn't realize he was so self-centered until now.

I've been trying to deal with this, amidst all the other crappy situations in my life right now. I put our picture away (how I am feeling the song by Cheryl Crow and Kid Rock right now). The space on my bedside table where it once sat was replaced with a plant I bought at Superstore. I try not to let myself think of him, but its hard when he's in my dreams every night (funny, the one time I try to escape from these problems and rest, they surface to rekindle my thoughts). I even try to convince myself of how badly he treated me, and how awful our relationship was, listing all of the bad qualities he had...and then I feel like an awful person for thinking those things. Because despite all his downfalls (we all have them), I really did love him. Part of me always will. No matter how much he hurt me, I will still always care and worry about how he's doing. And I'll always wonder if he still thinks of me...what he thinks of me. I know I did the right thing in coming here, so why do I feel so guilty?? What will it take for me to get over the guilt and the 'what ifs' and not wishing its him every time the phone rings (which I'm glad its not him, to think of it, cause that would be some awkward conversation).

Oh well. I guess I can feel comfort in the fact that people break up every day. I'm not the only one feeling like this right now. It could have been worse...we could have been married and had 3 kids or something, and be going throughthe motions of a split. The divorce rate these days both saddens and scares me. I don't want to be bitter and cynical, but sometimes I wonder if its better just to die single rather than to chance heartache like that. (Note that this is just my hurt heart talking, and no I dont' desire to die single and alone, much the opposite, actually). I wrote a poem a few years back when I was experiencing this same thing, and it brings me comfort to read when I'm feeling down...cause I know God knows how I feel, and it hurts Him to see me like this. I like how the Bible says He collects our tears in a bottle...so He's here right now, through all of this. Though I feel alone, I am not truly alone, for the God who created me is with me.

Reflecting on my life, where I'm headed, places been
I can't help but cringe at how my heart is prone to sin
Sometimes at night I shiver, haunted by the memories
And You listen cause You love me, You give me what I need

And I'll never comprehend what You felt and what You knew
But I know it breaks Your heart to see me suffer like I do
Cause You've already freed me from this prison that I'm in
And you're calling me to higher ground, to walk away from sin

You will always carry me when I'm too weak to stand
All I need to do is trust, and grasp Your mighty hand
And follow where You lead me like a Shepherd with His sheep
Your promises never fail, as You'll remind me when I sleep

By the way, Mom and Joy (I can speak so candidly on these issues because you are the only two people who read these things), don't worry about me too much. I'm just feeling a little emotional tonight. It will pass and I'll feel better I'm sure. I'm looking forward to this weekend where I get to spend some much needed time with my friends.

That's all for tonight folks.

death by chocolate

So, here I am today finding myself being the best multi-tasker ever. I am in the middle of dishes, baking birthday brownies, cleaning the house, writing resumes, and trying to get myself ready for the day. Add a kid to the mixture, and you would swear that I was a sweet little housewife. But I'm not...I'm just a cynical underemployed roommate who has more time on her hands than she knows what to do with.

These brownies, by the way, are the richest, chocolatiest things I have ever consumed in my entire life. I'm not bragging of my culinary skills (anyone can follow a recipe) but rather of the clever lady who thought up this wonderful recipe. They're seriously a cross between chocolate fudge and chocolate brownies. Wow...I can't wait till they're done. I can't burn em, cause I got the little egg time timing away, so unless I have a sudden bout of auditory impairment, I think I'll be ok.

Thinking about these brownies got me to thinking about the store Death By Chocolate, which then got me thinking, has anyone ever died because of chocolate? So the wheels in my brain started turning to think of the many possible ways that someone may have died because of chocolate. Here are some viable options:

(the egg timer just went off, but they were still batter in the middle)

1) Two pregnant ladies, both with intense cravings for chocolate find themselves fighting over the last piece of McCain's Deep and Delicious Cake at a dinner party. After much yelling, one of the husbands tells them to stop squabbling and share the piece of cake. One pregnant lady grabs the knife and waves it dramatically in the air, and stabs...at the cake. They share the cake, but unfortunately for one lady a large chunk of chocolate that never melted during the cooking of the cake was found in her piece of cake, and being the chocolate glutton that she was, she ate the entire piece of chocolate cake in one bite and started choking on the giant chocolate chip. No one had their First Aid course, so no one could perform the Heimlich manouver, and thus she suffocated (which caused her body to start delivering the baby, which, by the way, was not harmed in the event)

(egg time rings again, the brownies look glorious)

2) I know the first option sounded really unbelievable, but this one has happened, I am certain. Severe allergies to chocolate. I know you're thinking, what about nut allergies, that happens lots with chocolate, but then, it wouldn't be death by chocolate would it? It would be death by hazlenut, etc. So, there must be someone out there who is deathly allergic to Cocoa. Maybe this individual was caught cheating on their spouse, who then went crazy and got revenge by lacing the mashed potatoes with cocoa powder.

3) The little kid in Charlie and the Chocolate factory who falls into the chocolate river doesn't actually get saved. He drowns.

4) Type 2 diabetes from consuming too much chocolate, later causing death...?

5)hmmm...my imagination has run out. all the other options i can think of somehow indirectly involve chocolate, whereas death was not a direct result of chocolate...wait, i got one more

6) Scientists create a giant chocolate beast (kinda like the stay-puffed marshmallow man from ghost busters) and it goes on a rampage through New York city, or Tokyo, or wherever most of the other ficticious beasts rampage. Thus, millions are killed by being crushed by the giant chocolate man.

Anyhow, I'd best be going and make some icing for my brownies. If I don't blog again, it can be certain that I've somehow experienced death by chocolate.

The Rant


So, I think this constitutes day 21 on the job search. I'm trying really hard not to let this excruciatingly painful process bring down my spirits, but that's near impossible. Day in and day out I spend atleast 6 hours looking at job postings, writing resumes, and sending them off. I've even ventured to Human Resources downtown and talked to a Career Consultant. That was funny, actually, because the guy didn't understand why I had come down there to see him. He joked that I should take his job, cause it seemed like I knew what I was doing when it came to looking for work. Ha, ya right. Why is it then that a smart, talented, qualified girl like me has sent out probably 100 resumes and only had two interviews (one of which was useless cause the guy already knew who he wanted to hire but was just going through the interviewing motions for legality reasons, and the other was for a job I knew I wouldn't want in a million years...I just went for the practice).
I don't know, are people scared off by the fact that I have a BA in Linguistics? What do they think it is anyways? I'm sure that most of them don't know, and think the only skills I have are transcribing lost languages of ancient tribes in the african jungle or something. Sure, my career search may not require a skill set of analyzing the deep structure of sentences, or the semantic quality of a statement (or propositional logic.....*shudder*), or even the vocal quality of a speaker...but surely the skills I gained are useful? Research and presentation abilities at the University level, ability to effiectively communicate information to a variety of audiences, excellent time management and organizational skills, excellent interpersonal abilities, countless hours of experience using Microsoft programs (seriously, every single job I have applied for requires all of the above, which I think any college or university graduate has). Its seriously making me wonder what is wrong with our society? Why are universities offering programs whereupon their graduates are not getting hired? Why did I spend 4 years of my life and $50 000 to work at Boston Pizza? I'm really starting to feel ripped off and cheated by this. I'm feeling to the point that if I could turn back four years of my life, I wouldn't have gone to university. I would have gone and received some 1 or 2 year diploma at maybe SAIT or Grant MacEwan, and have had me a career for over two years now.
I'm not saying I don't value the vast amounts of information that were shoved into this brain of mine, infact I found probably 75% of what I learned to be very fascinating, I just wish that my experience was getting me somewhere...anywhere...
This frustration is definitely not helping me to cope with the fact that I am here in Edmonton. I never liked the city (I am not referring to this particular city, just cities in general). I only came here because it was my only option of removing myself from a destructive relationship. Plus I figured my chances of finding a job I liked would be way higher here than in Cold Lake. From the sounds of it, I've had more job offers there than I have here.

I love the country. I love small towns and their quirky people, and the one restaurant and store that everyone goes to. A couple summers back I wrote an entry in my journal that best explains this small town love:

Who am I kidding? I don't want the education, the good paying jobs, the material possessions, the lights, the 'selection,' the fast paced society.
I'm a country girl. I want the smell of the soil and grain and water. I want to make do with what I have, enjoy the sun, see the stars every night. I would give up everything to breathe the fresh air, hear the wind in the grass, watch a spider spin its web...
but all of this with a man I love. This small town girl needs a small town guy. I couldn't ask for anything more.

So why am I here if that's what my heart truly desires? In a moment of desperation I decided to move, and I believe the circumstances that led to my decision were from God, therefore, God lead me to this place. I just wish that His plans weren't so unclear to me right now. I am not distrusting that He will provide the right things for me at the right time. I know that He provides the strength to deal with the problems that rise each day. And I do know one of the purposes He had for bringing me here- to come back to the place where I am fully dependent on His provision. To trust that He is my Creator and Sustainer. To come to the place where I wake up every morning excited to see what He has planned for me that day. To love Him more than anything this world has to offer 'Because [His] love is better than life.'
For these reasons I stay in a place I despise. I may grow to love it here, or this may just be a place of transition. As long as He asks me to stay, I will.

I'll end this rant with the lyrics to a song I wrote my first year in Calgary. Again I find it somewhat humourous that my experiences then and now are so similar:

Another day in the city
It's so hard being so far away
And I feel so trapped by all the concrete and people
the traffic and the noise
And I wonder how long its going to feel this way-
I can't take it another day

Then Your voice calls out and asks me to stay
You hold me close as my world crumbles away
And I rest in You

There've been times where I get so lost
Funny how its on the same old street
But somehow, through the lights,
I can still see the stars shining just for me
And the cold ain't so cold
Cause I can feel your presence guiding me home

And your voice calls out and asks me to stay
You hold me close as my world crumbles away
And I rest in You

DEJA VU...?

Its funny...the term 'history repeats itself' hasn't meant too much to me in the past, yet these last few weeks have seemed oddly familiar to me in a way. Perhaps I should explain a little of the history to which I am referring.

This takes you back exactly four years ago. I had graduated from Capernwray Harbour the spring before, and I was moving to Calgary to begin my University career. Me and my boyfriend at the time broke up right before I moved, so I found myself alone in the apartment my brother and I shared, trying to mend my broken heart, and trying to fit into a city where I knew no one. Sure, I kept myself busy at school, but even that was overwhelming- my school was twice the size of my hometown of Cold Lake, AB. It was a tough time for me, and fitting in was something that took a couple of years to happen...

Fast forward four years to the present: let's see the similarities:

just graduated from school: CHECK
just broke up with boyfriend in Cold Lake: CHECK
move to new city: CHECK
living in an apartment with sibling: CHECK
know next to no one: CHECK
feel alone: CHECK
wonder where the heck my life is headed: CHECK

I've heard people say your life gets better once you're out of high school. I don't know who these people were, but they must live in a bubble or something. Or be spoiled rockstars. I don't know...

Anyhow, so anyone reading this must think I'm totally depressing or something. But there is a hopeful point to these musings, its on its way, surely...?

So, it occured to me the other day that I am in the same place as I was four years ago. The prior experience was brutal, I literally wasted away in my loneliness and confusion. But this time, although tough, I'm not letting it get me down. I don't know why God brought me back to this place again, but I'm here, and this time I'm looking for the lesson that I'm meant to learn. This time I'm trying to keep optimistic about my future. This time I am clinging to the hope that God has a specific plan for my life, and I am willing to go in any direction He leads me. This time, He could take me anywhere: I'm not tied down to a 4 year university committment (just a 5 year car payment plan...) Its scary, yet exciting.

Hmmm...I wonder what will happen this year. Here are the four most likely options:

1) I get 'discovered' singing Karaoke at the ghetto bar across the street from me, and my first single is featured on Shine FM by Christmas. Maybe a rendition of 'Silent Night' would be a good start.
2)I meet the man of my dreams in the checkout at H&W (the discount produce store in Millwoods), and after a whirlwind romance that includes lots of long walks, him cooking me supper, flowers, and candy, we run off to Barbados to get married on a beach. Everyone is invited.
3)I win the nobel peace prize for all my hard work at Boston Pizza South Edmonton Commons. Maybe I'll come up with some way to feed all the starving people in Africa with a few measly pizzas, kind of like Jesus did with the loaves and fishes, only mine will involve cloning somehow...along with prayer.
4)I lose my legs after a beam from a burning building falls on me just after I save a family of 6 and their dog Spot from the flames. I would not be able to save Fluffy the cat (that's ok, I don't like cats anyways), but I get a cool medal for my heroism. And bionic legs.

Yeah, so anyways, like I said, those are the four most likely things I will experience this year. But, I suppose we'll have to wait and see. I'll keep everyone posted...or if not, I'm sure my mom will. She likes to talk about me and my sister's 'adventures'