The Rant


So, I think this constitutes day 21 on the job search. I'm trying really hard not to let this excruciatingly painful process bring down my spirits, but that's near impossible. Day in and day out I spend atleast 6 hours looking at job postings, writing resumes, and sending them off. I've even ventured to Human Resources downtown and talked to a Career Consultant. That was funny, actually, because the guy didn't understand why I had come down there to see him. He joked that I should take his job, cause it seemed like I knew what I was doing when it came to looking for work. Ha, ya right. Why is it then that a smart, talented, qualified girl like me has sent out probably 100 resumes and only had two interviews (one of which was useless cause the guy already knew who he wanted to hire but was just going through the interviewing motions for legality reasons, and the other was for a job I knew I wouldn't want in a million years...I just went for the practice).
I don't know, are people scared off by the fact that I have a BA in Linguistics? What do they think it is anyways? I'm sure that most of them don't know, and think the only skills I have are transcribing lost languages of ancient tribes in the african jungle or something. Sure, my career search may not require a skill set of analyzing the deep structure of sentences, or the semantic quality of a statement (or propositional logic.....*shudder*), or even the vocal quality of a speaker...but surely the skills I gained are useful? Research and presentation abilities at the University level, ability to effiectively communicate information to a variety of audiences, excellent time management and organizational skills, excellent interpersonal abilities, countless hours of experience using Microsoft programs (seriously, every single job I have applied for requires all of the above, which I think any college or university graduate has). Its seriously making me wonder what is wrong with our society? Why are universities offering programs whereupon their graduates are not getting hired? Why did I spend 4 years of my life and $50 000 to work at Boston Pizza? I'm really starting to feel ripped off and cheated by this. I'm feeling to the point that if I could turn back four years of my life, I wouldn't have gone to university. I would have gone and received some 1 or 2 year diploma at maybe SAIT or Grant MacEwan, and have had me a career for over two years now.
I'm not saying I don't value the vast amounts of information that were shoved into this brain of mine, infact I found probably 75% of what I learned to be very fascinating, I just wish that my experience was getting me somewhere...anywhere...
This frustration is definitely not helping me to cope with the fact that I am here in Edmonton. I never liked the city (I am not referring to this particular city, just cities in general). I only came here because it was my only option of removing myself from a destructive relationship. Plus I figured my chances of finding a job I liked would be way higher here than in Cold Lake. From the sounds of it, I've had more job offers there than I have here.

I love the country. I love small towns and their quirky people, and the one restaurant and store that everyone goes to. A couple summers back I wrote an entry in my journal that best explains this small town love:

Who am I kidding? I don't want the education, the good paying jobs, the material possessions, the lights, the 'selection,' the fast paced society.
I'm a country girl. I want the smell of the soil and grain and water. I want to make do with what I have, enjoy the sun, see the stars every night. I would give up everything to breathe the fresh air, hear the wind in the grass, watch a spider spin its web...
but all of this with a man I love. This small town girl needs a small town guy. I couldn't ask for anything more.

So why am I here if that's what my heart truly desires? In a moment of desperation I decided to move, and I believe the circumstances that led to my decision were from God, therefore, God lead me to this place. I just wish that His plans weren't so unclear to me right now. I am not distrusting that He will provide the right things for me at the right time. I know that He provides the strength to deal with the problems that rise each day. And I do know one of the purposes He had for bringing me here- to come back to the place where I am fully dependent on His provision. To trust that He is my Creator and Sustainer. To come to the place where I wake up every morning excited to see what He has planned for me that day. To love Him more than anything this world has to offer 'Because [His] love is better than life.'
For these reasons I stay in a place I despise. I may grow to love it here, or this may just be a place of transition. As long as He asks me to stay, I will.

I'll end this rant with the lyrics to a song I wrote my first year in Calgary. Again I find it somewhat humourous that my experiences then and now are so similar:

Another day in the city
It's so hard being so far away
And I feel so trapped by all the concrete and people
the traffic and the noise
And I wonder how long its going to feel this way-
I can't take it another day

Then Your voice calls out and asks me to stay
You hold me close as my world crumbles away
And I rest in You

There've been times where I get so lost
Funny how its on the same old street
But somehow, through the lights,
I can still see the stars shining just for me
And the cold ain't so cold
Cause I can feel your presence guiding me home

And your voice calls out and asks me to stay
You hold me close as my world crumbles away
And I rest in You