going nuts?

so....spring has arrived here in edmonton. i tend to remain fairly sedentary during the winter, but once this time of year arrives I find myself in a flurry of activity. activity is good, i find when i don't have enough to do i find myself doing too much thinking which usually drives me bonkers. however, having too much on my plate at once can also cause that effect.
i'm on the verge of possibly being quite busy. Our days at work have been shortened to the regular 8 hours that every other normal person works, but to compensate, we work more days in a rotation and sometimes get less days off. so working a 7 day stretch this past week seemed a whole lot longer than the 6 days i was used to (ya i know, 1 day doesn't sound like much, but trust me...)somewhere along the line of the last month i thought it would be fun to get another job, just to make some more connections, make a bit of extra cash, and do something i enjoy. so i applied for a (very) part time position as a barista at a coffeeshop on whyte ave. i'd probably just fill in once a week or whatever. had an interview today, seems like a cool place, so i'll be waiting to hear back from them. also, joined the church softball team which starts up next week. some good exercise, a little healthy competition, and the chance that i may meet up with some cute boys are all definitely good reasons for this. and then there's small group thursday nights. things are going well for a change. i'm liking this being busy thing, but we'll see in a months time how its treating me!

The Question

It was a crisp sunny morning at Fairmont Hotsprings resort. The mountains stood tall and majestic, the sky was blue without a cloud in sight. The buds were just starting to show on the trees, the grass was already green, and the water in the springs was warm and soothing. I breathed in deeply, letting the fresh mountain air fill my lungs and clear my head.
I was on vacation with my family, to a place we know quite well, as we have spent several Easter breaks there over the years. I realized why we keep going back: there's nothing better than being able to experience such an amazing view, all from the warmth of the huge natural pools. I spent the weekend doing a lot of observing (I tend to be a people watcher), but also a lot of reflection on my own life. Winter, both physically and metaphorically, had been a long hard one this year. My bones were chilled, and my soul very weary. Though there were glimpses of Spring, it never stayed, and I ached for more...I longed for the sun to come out and melt the ice and snow. I wanted to see that life had survived the Winter's attack, and things would blossom once again.
I needed healing. You see, I was looking for the confirmation to the Question that every woman asks: am I lovely? Does my life bring beauty into the world for others to enjoy? The problem was, I was basing the answer to this question of my self-worth on how others viewed me. This past winter I had been hurt by someone I really cared about. This person's answer to my Question was clearly and reapeatedly "no." I was crushed. Was I really that big of a disappointment? How could I change myself, what could I do, to change their answer? I wrestled with these feelings for quite some time. Though deep down I knew the true answer to my Question was "yes," it still hurt to be betrayed.
So that weekend at Fairmont, I mustered up the courage to ask God what he thought of me. "Child," he said, "look around you at all this beauty I have created. You are from Eve, the crown of creation, made in my image. You are lovely, indeed."
The sun began to creep over the tall mountain peaks. Individual rays of light shone on the waters of the hot spring, sparkling and dancing on the water. It was one of the most simple, but beautiful things I had ever seen. It was a gift to see that Spring was indeed arriving.

"I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful."
-Bethany Dillon, 'Beautiful"

Not ready to make nice

Sing it chicks!