Hey all,
well, its a rainy, thundery tuesday night, and the lightshow in the sky is absolutely amazing (albeit frightening). I went to Walmart tonight, and while walking to my car I had my umbrella protecting me from the rain storm, and HUGE lightning bolts filled the whole sky at the same time, and I could swear I felt a small surge of electricity run into my hand from my umbrella, although I don't know how that would be possible, seeing as the handle was plastic...anyhow... enough useless preamble, I guess I could actually write something worth everyone's while to read, hey?
So lately I've had these little thoughts/ponderings about many different things, mostly about life in general, you know, love, beauty, the state the world is in, how different people experience God, etc, and I just wanted to jot a few of these thoughts down.
Yesterday, as most people are aware, was September 11th. And everyone knows what happened five years ago on this date. Now, I'm not going to get into any philosophical or political debate on this, but I will share what that date means to me. I remember that day. It was no more than a week after I had moved down to Calgary for my first year university. Everything was so new and unknown for me. I woke up early that morning because I wasn't sleeping well in those days, and turned on the TV to see the news that was on every single channel (which I think was 3 channels at that time cause we only had farmer vision, but anyhow). I watched the images and listened, numb to what was going on, not because I was shocked, but due to the fact that I didn't really understand the significance of what was going on, and quite frankly, I didn't really care: I was too consumed by my own personal traumas to really pay attention to anything else. All I knew was that the airport security would be changing, and the news would be very single focused for awhile....big deal. Five years later, I see the images, watch the movies on tv portraying those events, and I can't help but be shocked at the amount of hate in the world. What is going on? How in the world does a terrorist become a terrorist? I honestly don't think that at four years old these people claim that they want to be al Quaida when they grow up. But somewhere along the line, greed and lust for power (and a little brainwashing by the bigwigs) makes people do atrocious things. Its not like this is a new thing. War has been around for thousands of years and will continue to be until Christ returns. It just makes me sad, is all. There's better things to spend our time and energy on.
Another random, totally unrelated pondering: So, I often sit in the group home I work at, and just observe the individuals I support there, thinking of things like "I wonder what they would be like if they didn't have these disabilities, do they ever fall in love, do they ever observe us staff and marvel at how ignorant we can often be to their wants and needs...like if they could talk, what would they tell us?" I've often dreamt about that last thought, actually. Dreamt about one girl I work with, and how she could just turn her disability on and off...walk and talk when she wanted. And when she talked, she told me of everything I was doing wrong at work, and how much she hated me...it was really strange actually, and for a few days after, I couldn't look at her the same without getting a weird feeling. Another thought that I've had a number of times is "how do these individuals experience God?" I'm aware that the Bible says that everyone gets a chance to learn of God and His plan for salvation in one way or another in their lifetime. So, how does He reveal Himself to these middle aged wheelchair-bound, totally dependant, cognitively deficient people? Do they know Him? Does He comfort them? Do they ever get a chance to love Him/ are they capable of choosing to love Him? Do they dream of Heaven and having a new, unbroken body? These are some things I'm curious to know, and if I ever get the chance, maybe I'll be able to discuss it with them in Heaven.
And a final, semi-related discourse...some words that I hope will be encouraging to some. We all get frustrated with life...I know I sure do. There's so many uncertainties, hurts, and things that don't seem fair. This whole year, I've felt pretty crummy about my work situation. More often than not I've felt like all the time and energy I've spent on school was a waste. A lot of the time, I feel like my job is unchallenging, a waste of my time, and somehow that I'm too smart or talented to be reduced to wiping bums, doing laundry, cooking meals, and playing 6 hours straight of video games. Yesterday I got really frustrated and upset and cried woe is me to my boyfriend, and he had to remind me that life for me wasn't so bad. I'm not starving, I can pay my bills, and I'm doing a good job in a field that not everyone is cut out for. I hate to admit it, but he's right. I don't have much to complain about. I live quite comfortably. I'm young, and smart, and have my whole life to get these sorts of things figured out. And eventually, these things do get sorted out, in one way or another. I just need to trust that God has lead me in this direction for a reason. Maybe to gain more character, such as humility, patience, and compassion. I just hope that one day I can feel proud about what I'm doing, and that its not a waste of my time...feel passionate about my work, feel like the work suits me and I'm suited to it.
Anyhoo, I know that many of you feel the same way about life...frustrated, confused, having a lack of direction. I hope you'll choose to see the brightside of your situations...cause there always is good in life, if we look for it. Let go of pride, recognize our shortcomings, and take "baby-steps" on working through them. Trust that God has a plan for our life, and we have the choice to discover our potential. Take delight in the simple things. And most of all, love: yourself, others, and God.
Ya, like I said, random blog. Oh well...
Here's the little family...
