Let it snow!

I'm a machine...well-oiled, finely tuned machine. It isn't even 9am, and I've already cleaned the kitchen and living room, hung up the rest of our few christmas decorations, done a load of laundry, and listened to most of a christmas cd...LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!!!(Let's just say I'm almost ready for the snow to come...I'm sick of the brown dead grass everywhere).

My favorite song on my mix of christmas tunes is Welcome to Our World by Chris Rice. Not only is it a simple but pretty melody, the words always give me shivers and make me remember what Christmas is really about...

Welcome to our World (Chris Rice)

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child, Welcome Holy Child

Hope that You don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home, please, make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world, welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born, Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin, and make us holy
Perfect Son of God, Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

procrastination

The sun is shining outside. Edmonton keeps boasting of their record-breaking temperatures, and here I am, sitting in my pjs, in a dark living room feeling quite sluggish, and having a slight scratchy feeling in my throat and a stuffy nose. I hope and pray that its just allergies or something. I really don't want to get sick...no that would not do. As a waitress, it would be quite disgusting to be serving people their food with a full-blown cold. Ewww...

Perhaps I SHOULD go for a walk...but then I'd feel guilty about leaving the apartment in the state its in. Stuff laying everywhere....christmas decorations, in fact, that have not found a place because I need a staple gun to hang some of them. And I don't own a staple gun. Or know anyone around here that does.

Yes, I should clean up a bit...but I really want to go shopping for more decorations that I can't hang. I'm the type of person that hates doing things a little bit at a time. I'd rather have all my stuff collected and ready to hang up all at once, hence why I would rather shop for more stuff than hang up what little crafty things I have. I don't know...it just bugs me...psychoanalysis anyone?

I bought a sweet game on Ebay last night. I hope it gets here soon. I've spent the last few months keeping an eye out for it here in Edmonton, but no one seems to know what I was I talking about when I mentioned the name Bohnanza. Oh sweet card trading game that involves humorous beans and harvesting fields of beans. So simple, yet so addicting...I haven't decided yet if I should keep the card game for my little household, or give it away as a christmas present to someone...the latter would probably be best, seeing that it is getting to be that time of year. I can think of a few people who would benefit from Bohnanza...although they don't know it yet. That, my friends, is one exciting evening in a box.

Yes, i think i should get up and do ANYTHING but procrastinate on the computer.

Alphabet Soup and Thoughts on Life

I slept in way too late this morning. I went to bed at around 11:30pm, was rudely awoken by the telephone ringing at 6:58am, went back to sleep after talking to this individual who had had a little too much fun last night and had to call me first thing in the morning to tell me about it, and then had one of those deep but hazy sleeps...where you know you should get up, but somehow your mind and body are disconnected so that it is actually physically impossible to get up. I finally jumped out of bed after a phone call at 11:13am. Sick. I had better be jumping off the walls at work tonight, let me tell you...

I am now here, blogging a blog, eating cheese toast and the vegetable soup with the alphabet noodles in it, thinking about life in general, and what I could say to all who choose to read my ramblings.

I know you are all aware on my job situation, and how much I dislike what I am doing to earn a living at the moment. And about how I have been devoting what I think is a significant amount of time trying desperately to find something better. Lately, though, it seems as though I am slowly giving up. Yesterday, I realized that I was losing sight of my goal, or was it that I didn't really have a goal to work toward anymore? Is life not made up of a series of goals, major and minor? Goals ranging from losing a few pounds, to finishing school, getting married, joining some sort of extracurricular activity like soccer or basket weaving... Yes, life is full of these things. Yesterday, though, I realized that I haven't really been setting any goals for myself...is this why I have been viewing my life as so drab lately? And another astonishing thought came to mind- I don't want to want to set goals for myself. I felt as though the ones that were truly important to me had impossible road blocks that were taunting me...everytime I tried to go around, find a different route, climb over....I would find myself hitting a wall. Now, I know that life is often like a story, and the point of a story is to have a series of conflicts for the hero/ine to face, and the story doesn't end until these conflicts are resolved in some fashion. What would a story be like without conflict? Pretty boring, indeed, as life would also be without challenges. Ah yes, but yesterday, I distinctly remember thinking "I've had enough...what would happen if I just floated through life just doing what I'm doing, with no attempt to change"....just remaining a static character in my own story.

It shocks me that one unfortunate event in my life (ie. not achieving my goal of graduate school) has spiralled into this bizarre situation of feeling hopelessly lost. I've never felt hopelessly lost before. I've experienced transition, yes, but always had some sort of idea as to where I was headed (or wanted to be, for that matter). Now I don't really know what I want anymore.

Today is different from yesterday. Today I want to want to have goals. Perhaps tomorrow I will want to have goals. Even smalls goals, such as getting a gym pass and actually using it, or finishing the scarf I have begun to knit, or writing a new song.

Now, there is so much more I could say on this topic, which may include thoughts on our definitions of success, but for now this is all I can say. Thanks for listening.

Back, by popular demand...

Well, I'm back in the blogging world, mostly due to my mom's sad comment on my last blog saying I need to write more so she knows what's going on in my life. I say, the phone is always a good way to do that too, but I suppose, with work, its been hard to get ahold of me lately.

Today is a miserable day here in Edmonton. Freezing rain has left the roads and sidewalks a hazard to all that dare step out onto them. The sky is grey, the ground bare and dirt brown, and the trees brittle and leafless (hmm....I'm not sure if that's a real word, but if not, it should be). I can't believe its the middle of November already. The stores are all decked out for Christmas time, and that gets me excited. I always wish I had a bit more money at this time of year. I love buying presents for people (and a few for myself), and would love to have my home decorated beautifully, with candles and christmas lights, and ribbons, and a christmas wreath on the door. I have a few things stocked away from other years, so we'll see what Rae and I can come up with. I'm getting into the Christmas baking spirit, and have already made butter tarts. I'm planning on having a few girls over from work to do some more baking. Fun-shaped sugar cookies to decorate, and fudge, and candy-cane cookies...mmmm...I wish I had a bigger freezer to keep everything in. I have 44 lbs of flour to work with (seriously), so this could keep me busy for quite some time. Hey, if anyone wants to gain a few pounds, just drop on by, and I'd be happy to accommodate you.

And I have exciting news: I can finally go to church this sunday. For those of you who don't know, my boss at work has scheduled me to work the last 5 weekends, therefore no church for me, cause no one wants to work sundays, so i can't pawn my shifts off. I told him I couldn't work that day because I go to church, and he rudely replied "you don't go to church." When he said this, I was so shocked...I couldn't believe he would say something so absolutely assuming! The reason he thinks this is because no one wants to work on Sunday for this reason or that, and they all use the excuse that they go to church (even thought it is an outright lie and everyone knows it). Then little old me comes along, and I actually do want to go on Sunday mornings, and I end up being the one who has to work the lunch shift. Brutal. So I complained, and I still somehow managed to get scheduled this sunday, but a girl called and wanted to trade me shifts so i work thursday and she works sunday, and its all peachy and I get to go to church now. What a gongshow.

Furthering on in the saga that is my life, I've been getting really tempted this past week to phone Jared. Now, I don't think this would accomplish anything good. At all. Nope, the phone would be hung up with both of us being angry, I think. I really wish he would grow up and actually be able to hold a civilized conversation with me, because despite the drama, I still do care a lot for him. And I am letting go, indeed, doing quite well, but every once in awhile, a song will come on the radio that reminds me of him, or I'll eat a piece of his favorite pizza at BP's and think about how he is, and just wish I knew he was doing fine. I don't regret all that happened with him and I. I learned a lot about myself and about life in the process. But every now and then, it strikes me how strange it is that the person I used to share so much with is no longer around. Its been exactly three months since we've spoken. I wonder if he thinks its strange too.

Anyhow, enough of my ramblings for now. I must get up out of this chair and get myself ready for a long day at work. Oh the joys of it all...

Boring life- boring blog

I didn't want to get out of bed today. Not because I stayed out too late and wanted to sleep- no, I was in bed fairly early last night. I didn't want to get out of bed because I thought "what's the point?" Now, before you all get scared and want to refer me to a psychiatrist because you think I may be suffering from clinical depression (which would be a good possibility if I were feeling like this for 3-6 months) but I'm sure you've all had days like this, so sit back, relax, and enjoy my little rant.

The driving force behind getting me out of bed this morning was the knowledge that my work uniform was dirty, and it needed to be washed before I head out to work this evening. Let's face it, no one wants to be served in a restaurant where the waitresses wear dirty clothes. So, I went down and did two loads of laundry (which was a delight today because the washer and dryer were actually not being used by the 12 other households in this building). I actually tackled the task of washing the pots and pans (although I cheated by putting as much as I could in the dishwasher). I felt like a regular Betty Crocker yesterday- baked cinnamon and cheese buns , AND chicken pot pie all from scratch. I just hate the clean up. Finished reading a mindless book. Ate leftovers while sitting in front of the TV watching a fabulous episode of The Drew Carey Show. And this brings me to the present. So what's the problem, you ask? Well, nothing really.

That's just the thing. Nothing is really wrong. But then again, nothing is really great. My life feels so mundane, so drab, right now. I dread every day that I have to go to work, not that I have a problem with working, but the job itself leaves much to be desired. It is, perhaps, one of the more unfulfilling positions I've had. I still hold out for the hope that something better will come along soon, but even the motivation to get myself out there and look is quickly vanishing. I would love to get involved in something social, like a small group or playing on the worship team, maybe take a dance or pottery class, heck, even volunteer somewhere, but with my job, I have quickly realized that days requested off are not honoured, and so nothing is guaranteed.

I would go shopping or get my hair done, and that would lighten my mood, but I don't have extra money for amusement.

My creative juices have been running dry lately, thus the lack in blogs, and no motivation to pick up the guitar and write a song.

Reading the Bible, though always a good thing, has not been particularly refreshing.

And I pray, asking "Is this what You meant life on earth to be about?" And I know the answer to that question. But I don't know how to apply that knowledge to my life. How can God use me, even through the mundane? What is there to learn?

I know it is my attitude that needs to change before the rest can. But even that will have to wait for another day. Today I'm just enjoying moping around...if you know what I mean.

World's Largest...

I have decided to take you on a little tour of the pride of Alberta: its uncanny amount of giant monuments in little towns across the province. However, to make this more interesting to you and I, I will be presenting this in the form of a multiple choice quiz! How fun!!

1. Ukranians eat me for breakfast. My monument is found in Vegreville, AB. I am...:

a) World's largest bowl of borscht
b) World's largest Ukranian Sausage, aka, coil of poo
c) World's largest Pysanka
d) World's largest cabbage roll

2. Rumor has it that Tom Green dressed up like an alien and knocked on the mayor's house because of this little gem:

a) World's first UFO landing pad in St. Paul, AB
b) Canada's finest air force base in Cold Lake, AB.
c) The Trek Station in Vulcan, AB
d) World's largest mutant squirrel in Edson, AB

3. The picture to the left represents:
a) "I love the World's Largest Coil of Poo"
b) "I love Mundare's Ukranian Sausage"
c) An ancient Ukranian Tool used for digging beets
d) It's art.









4. If the Smurfs moved to Alberta, they would most likely reside in:
a) Andrew, home of the World's Largest Mallard Duck
b) Smokey Lake, home of the World's Largest Pumpkin
c) Vilna, home of the World's Largest Mushrooms
d) Cold Lake, home of North Eastern Alberta's only Walmart.

5. The town of Glendon boasts the World's Largest what?
a) hoe
b) rubber boot
c) stamp collection
d) Pyrogy

6. Eating this would be a gas:
a) World's Largest Mallard Duck
b) World's Largest Softball
c) Pinto MacBean, World's largest Pinto bean
d)Mozzy the Mosquito

Anyhow, this quiz could go on and on, but I'm tired, and seriously, there are too many roadside attractions in Alberta to mention. Here's a question, why in the world does Alberta have so many roadside attractions? Do they really generate more tourism, or do they serve some other purpose? This has plagued me for a long time.

If you wish to see pictures of many of these monuments, check out http://www.roadsideattractions.ca/alberta.htm.

I promise my next blog will be more inspiring.