going nuts?

so....spring has arrived here in edmonton. i tend to remain fairly sedentary during the winter, but once this time of year arrives I find myself in a flurry of activity. activity is good, i find when i don't have enough to do i find myself doing too much thinking which usually drives me bonkers. however, having too much on my plate at once can also cause that effect.
i'm on the verge of possibly being quite busy. Our days at work have been shortened to the regular 8 hours that every other normal person works, but to compensate, we work more days in a rotation and sometimes get less days off. so working a 7 day stretch this past week seemed a whole lot longer than the 6 days i was used to (ya i know, 1 day doesn't sound like much, but trust me...)somewhere along the line of the last month i thought it would be fun to get another job, just to make some more connections, make a bit of extra cash, and do something i enjoy. so i applied for a (very) part time position as a barista at a coffeeshop on whyte ave. i'd probably just fill in once a week or whatever. had an interview today, seems like a cool place, so i'll be waiting to hear back from them. also, joined the church softball team which starts up next week. some good exercise, a little healthy competition, and the chance that i may meet up with some cute boys are all definitely good reasons for this. and then there's small group thursday nights. things are going well for a change. i'm liking this being busy thing, but we'll see in a months time how its treating me!

The Question

It was a crisp sunny morning at Fairmont Hotsprings resort. The mountains stood tall and majestic, the sky was blue without a cloud in sight. The buds were just starting to show on the trees, the grass was already green, and the water in the springs was warm and soothing. I breathed in deeply, letting the fresh mountain air fill my lungs and clear my head.
I was on vacation with my family, to a place we know quite well, as we have spent several Easter breaks there over the years. I realized why we keep going back: there's nothing better than being able to experience such an amazing view, all from the warmth of the huge natural pools. I spent the weekend doing a lot of observing (I tend to be a people watcher), but also a lot of reflection on my own life. Winter, both physically and metaphorically, had been a long hard one this year. My bones were chilled, and my soul very weary. Though there were glimpses of Spring, it never stayed, and I ached for more...I longed for the sun to come out and melt the ice and snow. I wanted to see that life had survived the Winter's attack, and things would blossom once again.
I needed healing. You see, I was looking for the confirmation to the Question that every woman asks: am I lovely? Does my life bring beauty into the world for others to enjoy? The problem was, I was basing the answer to this question of my self-worth on how others viewed me. This past winter I had been hurt by someone I really cared about. This person's answer to my Question was clearly and reapeatedly "no." I was crushed. Was I really that big of a disappointment? How could I change myself, what could I do, to change their answer? I wrestled with these feelings for quite some time. Though deep down I knew the true answer to my Question was "yes," it still hurt to be betrayed.
So that weekend at Fairmont, I mustered up the courage to ask God what he thought of me. "Child," he said, "look around you at all this beauty I have created. You are from Eve, the crown of creation, made in my image. You are lovely, indeed."
The sun began to creep over the tall mountain peaks. Individual rays of light shone on the waters of the hot spring, sparkling and dancing on the water. It was one of the most simple, but beautiful things I had ever seen. It was a gift to see that Spring was indeed arriving.

"I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful."
-Bethany Dillon, 'Beautiful"

Not ready to make nice

Sing it chicks!

Passive aggressive??

I was thinking tonight about how I deal with situations/people sometimes. Although I can be quite blunt and direct at times, other times I find I'd rather confront issues by avoiding them all together. So, I looked up passive aggressiveness on Wikipedia. Although I don't think I have the personality disorder, some of the traits I definitely do display at times. But I don't feel so bad, I can think of several people I know that also fit the description!

Common signs of passive-aggressive personality disorder

There are certain behaviors that help identify passive-aggressive behavior.

• Ambiguity
• Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
• Blaming others
• Chronic lateness and forgetfulness
• Complaining
• Does not express hostility or anger openly
• Fear of authority
• Fear of competition
• Fear of dependency
• Fear of intimacy
• Fosters chaos
• Intentional inefficiency
• Making excuses and lying
• Obstructionism
• Procrastination
• Resentment
• Resists suggestions from others
• Sarcasm
• Sullenness
  

A passive-aggressive may not have all of these behaviours, and may have other non-passive-aggressive traits.

Random, like Britney

I don't really have anything of interest to say tonight. Just thought I'd lay on the couch and recover from a long short-change shift at work. It all started at 7am, CJ waking up and asking questions repetitively for the whole shift (and it doesn't matter on how many times you answer her, she'll ask over and over and over again, pointing at you and asking louder and louder. gIgnoring doesn't help either, she'll do something worse like destroy something or charge after a roommate to get your attention). The highlight of the day was sitting with some of the guys, watching The Princess Bride. Man do I ever love that movie!

And I love it that Britney Spears went loco and shaved her head. I can't wait to see how that all pans out! One of my friends has a pretty good explanation for her erratic behaviour: she's schizophrenic. Think about it. She married K-fed for crying out loud! Got married on a whim to some other random dude a few years ago. Drives her car with her baby on her lap. And now, shaves her head, gets a few new tats, drives around aimlessly, buys a cheap wig, all in the same night!!! Priceless!! What next? Any predictions?

A few of my favorite things

So, I was thinking today, about lots of things (what else is new, right?). And I was thinking about how strange it is that you can be close to people, yet not know a whole lot about them. I mean, how much do the people that I consider closest to me actually know about me, beyond the cold facts such as my name, age, birthday, job, general hobbies, etc? You know, the stuff you would talk about to someone on a first date type stuff. So I decided I would blog more about me, the little things that people may or may not know. Since it could end up being quite the lengthy blog, tonight I will focus on some of the things that make me smile in life.

One thing happened on my way to work. It was quite a lengthy drive today, I'm not sure why, but I was starting to get frustrated because traffic was very backed up and I was already running late. I could feel my blood pressure rise as each minute ticked by on the clock and I was not much closer to my desination...that was, until, I noticed the guy in the truck in front of me. He was bouncing happily away, playing pretend drums, and I could see his reflection in his rearview mirror, and it appeared he was rocking out to the same song that I was!!! He was listening to Sonic FM too! So for the whole time he was infront of me, we both rocked out to the same songs. And it made me smile and actually enjoy the rest of my drive. Aww sweetness.

So, what else do I like?
I enjoy watching the northern lights whenever I'm in Cold Lake. They are so beautiful, lighting up the northern sky, constantly changing. I miss it when I'm in the city.
I like doing special things for others "just because." It feels good to brighten someone elses day. I heard a good quote on love the other day, it was "Love is more about the person doing the loving than the person being loved." How true it is.
I like taking some time out when I'm feeling stressed and playing songs I enjoy on my guitar, just belting out the melody because I can...no one is listening.
I like the feeling of accomplishment every single time I drag my butt to the gym. You'd think that would be reinforcing enough to keep me there every single day, but for some reason it's always a struggle, but once I'm there I've never felt better.
I like sour soothers. I'd eat them till my tongue bled.
My favorite time of year is Spring. The crisp, fresh smelling air, the tulips starting to poke through the remaining snow, the warmer breeze, the rain, the feeling of new life that emerges after the longest, darkest, coldest winter.
The first kiss with someone you really like...doesn't matter how bad the actual kiss is itself, but the fact that its actually happening (and you've dreamed of it for so long) is priceless.
My favorite flowers: daisies, orchids, daffodils (but not all in one bunch of course.)
My favorite food is definitely any kind of cheese. I think Rae and I have 5 different blocks going on in our fridge right now.
I don't have a favorite band or song, I just like any music I can bob my head and sing along to.
I'm addicted to Guitar Hero II. I've gone to Walmart just to play it in the electronics department (hey so my b-day is in less than a month, there's an idea...!)
I like having tea and cookies with one of my favorite people from RSS. She can be exhausting with her repetitiveness, but I love D's smile, zest for life, bossiness, mischeviousness, and her love of food. I also think its funny that when she goes on outings to the mall, she pinches guys bums and laughs until her face turns red.
I like when I go to church and its like the music and the sermon were tailor-made for me that day, because its just what I needed to hear.
Cuddling on a blanket with a friend (or a special someone), watching the sun go down over the lake, talking about everything or nothing. Just being together, enjoying the view.
Writing really good song lyrics and figuring out the music that goes perfectly with them.
Long baths when its cold outside and I'm tired and stressed...complete with bubbles, candles, and a mud mask.
Getting all dolled up for a night out, feeling like a million bucks.
Weiner dogs (they're just so cute!!)
Watching children play, just so consumed with what they're doing, laughing away without a care in the world. It reminds me that life doesn't have to always be as complicated as what we make it out to be.

Anyways, those are just a few of my favorite things (yes, there are many more! but I realize its probably my bedtime so I will stop it there.)

So, any surprises there? Learn anything new about me?

myspace

check out the newest Glubish member of myspace: www.myspace.com/vernamg

freakin sweet